slow down


slow down sunday... or every day. I think that needs to be a thing. and if it is already somewhere, then I'm taking it and making it my own. or maybe it should be slow down everyday. lately I feel like I've been going a million miles per hour and I'm crashing. it happens though, that is life. or at least, life when you've got so many ideas and drives that you don't know how to create balance. until balance finds you and smacks you in the face.

I haven't been saying yes to myself too much lately. I've been making myself do way too many things... things that I want, but things that aren't serving me in ways that keep me... me. it's a weird dance. doing things you want to do, but not doing things you  need to do. it sounds simple - just do YOU. but what if you don't know what that actually is until it's too late to realize you need it?

some things have happened lately and my energy has been my radar for what I should and shouldn't be doing. whether or not I realize it. feeling really off and just not myself, but with momentum and preexisting plans and commitments that don't need to be done, but feel that should be done. I realized, though, that if I can't show up with the energy that I should be... that I just shouldn't. and I have to tell myself that it'll all be okay.

by the stars aligning, things that I've had planned or needed to do have either not worked out or been rescheduled, so I've had some time to just be. just... be. go with the flow. not be expected anywhere, doing anything. and it's great. to be go-go-go to just... no. I've lost track of time and I'm usually so concerned about timing and where I have to be and who I have to be. and all I need to be doing is breathing. not worrying, not stressing, and not busying myself with things I think I should be doing.

it's easy to get wrapped up in it all. and it's just as easy to not be. it's somewhere in between there that you find what fits for yourself and what doesn't.

so I'm slowing down.

I'm also letting myself let go of how things used to be, and what I used to be able to do, and letting myself rewrite the script. we change over time and we can't keep thinking we're going to get back to where or who or what we used to be whenever something has happened to us. it's unrealistic. you have to start from today. and what you've got. and who you've got. and what you can do. if you try to hold yourself to a previous version of yourself, you're only going to let your current self down or burn it down in the process.

it's all about listening to yourself. whether it be your body, your soul, your mind, your environment. start here... today. don't look back. take one step, and then another. it'll all be okay.

it'll all be okay.


Jacqueline Randall